Up and Up

Goodness, can't I think of titles besides Relient K songs? Oh well.

After my last post, I received a LOT of support and understanding from people I had no idea even paid attention to the stuff I write. Friends texted me from out of the blue saying they read it and they were there for me if I ever needed to talk. My parents had a better understanding of what I was going through since I often times shut them out when I don't want to talk about my shortcomings or other difficult subjects.

If Tuesday was the my worst day in Arizona yet, then the rest of the week was great to the same degree. On Thursday, I walked into a random office in the building where I just had class to get a paper signed by the appropriate people before my meeting with my counselor about my new game plan with Tuesday's setback. Turns out that would be the office of one of the nicest ladies I've ever dealt with at my college. She took and threw away my paper, printed up some new ones, and informed me that she would try and get my $1000 tuition fee from a summer class I dropped. She called in favors, pulled some strings, and walked me to the dean's office to sweet talk the secretary and make sure I was all set. I almost cried. Instead, I gave her two passes to the movies that I get every month from working there. You would have thought I gave her a hundred dollar bill.  I told her about my plans to try and student teach abroad, but with the program through the Department of Defense on hiatus, I was a bit lost. She cocks an eyebrow and says, "I have a friend who works with the Department of Defense. Shoot her an email and say you know me. She might be able to do something for you."

That was almost two weeks ago now, and I still go in and see her.

The rest of my weekend was all family and presents and relaxing.  I calmly spoke to my mom about my new expected graduation date, which is only one semester more than originally planned. She was very supportive.

My counseling appointment is still in the process of being set up, but I have high hopes that it can do nothing but help me at this point in my career and life. You would think they would respond more quickly to people who want counseling, no?

Pride has been the theme of the month for me. It'll probably turn out to be the theme of the year. I realized something though- I was putting my pride in all the wrong places, and everything was crashing down around me. I should pride myself on strength of character, not how many people compliment my outfit. I should be striving to honor my parents by doing the best that I can with the education they are providing for me, not convince them that college just doesn't get me and maybe I should take some time off. All the things I prided myself on (being able to talk my way out of things, passing classes with the minimum of homework done, the put togetherness I presented myself with in all situations) were all for naught. I couldn't talk my way out of the boot on my car. I couldn't pass the class without buying the book or by putting off the homework and believing my teacher would understand. I couldn't pull myself together to save my own sorry ego from the disappointment in my parent's faces. I was trying to pass life with the minimum of effort.

I looked up some verses on pride. Of course, by happenstance I was flipping through my Bible to find a verse in Galatians when I stumbled upon Colossians. I instantly had a song pop in my head from when I was about four years old and still listened to a kid's Christian songs cassette tape.  "Colossians THREE, Colossians three, twenty threeeeeeee. Whatever you do, (guitar riff) work at it with all your heart! As working for the Lord, not for men." I promise you, I will never forget Colossians 3:23.

Perfectly pertinent. Time to place pride in my schoolwork, in my ability to study, not in my ability to procrastinate. Time to take pride in a life of work and dedication, not leisure and ease. I never want another day to pass where I say, "Man, I wish I could do this day again" because any day where I say that is a day I haven't given everything I've got. 

Back to the verse in Galatians; I found it finally. Just one verse was presented in the article, but I read the whole chapter. Let's have a look at the main points: "If anyone thinks he is something when he is nothing, he deceives himself.  Each one should test his own actions.  Then he can take pride in himself, without comparing himself to somebody else, for each one should carry his own load.... A man reaps what he sows.  The one who sows to please his sinful nature, from that nature will reap destruction; the one who sows to please the Spirit, from the Spirit will reap eternal life. Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up."-Galatians 6:3-5, 8-9

Well, shoot.  It's fitting that I have to do homework now, but I leave you with this final musing: "Whether you think you can or you can't, you're right."-Henry Ford.